When the stars stop shining
by riversongspoilers
Summary: Set just after 'The angels take Manhattan', The doctor is broken and River is at a lost as to how to fix him. River knows she can't let him see her hurt but the makeup is wearing thin and cracks are beginning to show...


River wondered through the empty halls, her hand touching the various walls, feeling the gentle comforting hum coming from behind them. The deafening silence filled the empty space. She knew she should have stayed with him, but she also knew it was more important to not let him see her hurt. With that in mind, her limbs heavy, and eyes watering, she had to turn her back on him; leaving him to his own deadly thoughts as she wondered around aimlessly and for once, defeated.

She replayed his words over again in her head- him asking her to stay and how tempting the offer was. She knew a long time ago, that she would give just about anything to travel with him full time. Her husband, together in the TARDIS, running. Always running. How she wished they could stop; just stand still for once and take in the view. Of course, she knew that could never happen. It wasn't the Doctor's way, nor hers, and frankly she would be bored. She just wished at times things could be different. What she wished for, right now though, was for her parents to still be alive. Amy would know how to cheer him up, how to distract him. Rory would crack a joke, and the three of them would carry on laughing until the sun came up.

River's footsteps slowed as she came to a door with a sign on it: 'Ponds'. She heaved a sigh, as her hands gently pressed the release button, and stood in the doorway. Everything was as they had left it: bunkbeds unmade, clothes piled in the corner on a small white chair, makeup scattering the dressing table and a hairbrush discarding long amber hairs which had fallen to the floor.

"I'm sorry River."

His voice raised Goosebumps down River's back, the sudden noise making her jump slightly but remain facing away from him.

She clenched her jaw, staring determinedly at the far wall, as she fought away the tears. "It wasn't your fault."

"It is. It always is. I tried to let them go when they were still around and I couldn't do it and now they're dead" his words were drenched in anger, he caught himself and lowered his voice to just a whisper, "Because of me."

River couldn't help herself, she spun around to face him, nostrils flaring. "But look at what you gave them! Life in the TARDIS, all the sights they saw, the places they visited! They loved it here, and they were happy… They would never have let you leave them behind anyway…" River's shoulders slumped as her eyes averted to the cold metal floor they're standing on. The pause between them seemed to stretch past the galaxies, neither one knowing where to search for the distant words that were just out of reach until the doctor decided that in this circumstance actions speak louder than words. His feet closed the space between them as his arms pulled her in tight, both trapped in an embrace, too scared to pull apart. River, resting her head against the doctor's chest, took a deep breath while he pressed his lips to the crown of her head.

"Stay with me." His words fought to come out even though they're only just heard.

She raised her head ever so slightly to look up into his sorrow filled eyes, his eyes that have seen so much pain, so much heart ache, witnessed so much loss, and she knew in that second she couldn't be the one to deliver another blow. She couldn't leave him on his own. Not now, not for a long time. Instead of telling him that she couldn't, instead of backing away from him, instead of turning her back on him, she stood on tip toes and gently touched his lips with her own because just this once, the universe owed them that moment.

He kissed her back with all the love from his two hearts, his fingers tousled her long golden ringlets as her tongue swiped across his lips.

"I need you, River." The Doctor muttered softly as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead gently against his wife's.

River took her husband's hand and kissed it once. With her other hand, she pressed the button, sealing the room shut and lead the torn apart man away from the harrowing room. The room that won't be seen again because, already, River knew that the TARDIS had hidden it away from the Doctor for his and the universe's safety. She lead him down the endless corridors until they reached a familiar sliding door. With another press of a button, they were inside the large room. Three walls are a creamy magnolia leaving the wall where the king size bed's headboard leans against Tardis blue. For a man that acts like a child whenever given the chance, the room is surprisingly well kept and clean, clothes neatly folded and everything in its rightful place.

River smiled as she glanced at the bed, remembering their wedding night, and how she had to show him why they needed to get rid of the bunk beds. She lead him over to the bed and sat next to him, one hand resting gently on his thigh as she kissed his jaw line. Her nose grazed his soft smile, but his eyes told her something else.

"Not tonight Love." The doctor croaked as he leant against her, head resting on her shoulder.

River understood. Of course, she did. Her Doctor: wonderful, magnificent, and demolished beyond repair needed comfort and trust. That night, she gave him exactly what he needed. She held him, her precious doctor, until stars began to shine again.


End file.
